I have been sleeping too much these last few days. Fatigue hits me so bad that I can’t sit straight for even a few hours. I wonder whether it is the weather. It gets really hot around this time of the year in most parts of India. Especially, the area I live in is even worse. Quite a problem, I should say, but not limited to me.
However, since, I am the subject of this writing; I will reduce the scope to myself. But, then I think over what happened at the same time last year. I was absolutely fine then! What happened now? I searched for symptoms of excessive sleep and fatigue and found many. Some were clinical and some others were psychological. Clinical I ruled out as I was healthy enough. At least I wanted to think so. Who wants a medical problem now? That is the reason I avoid doctors and all those master check- ups which scan you in and out! Rather stay ignorant than diseased. We all die anyway. Some sooner. Some later.
Then I started thinking why I was feeling the way I was. Maybe it was because I felt lonely. But I wasn’t in fact. Loneliness is a choice. I understand that very well. So I ruled that out. As Chris Martin’s scintillating voice crooned “Tell me you love me, if you don’t, then lie to me”, I began to wonder if monotony was the culprit. Day in and day out, going through the same mundane life and processes kill you slowly. Life is a slow poison. Not love. After that, I tried to remember the times I was consistently active and lively. Mind it, happiness has nothing to do with being lively. Although liveliness is a product of happiness, I prefer to separate the two. That was when I remembered that I used to travel at least once a month. The last I traveled was 3 months back. But that solely cannot be the reason. Since, I could not find a better explanation; I started searching for weekend getaways from my city. You see, I can’t travel on weekdays running a business! And guess what, there’s nothing worthwhile around. Or they charge exorbitant prices for completely worthless trips. I am also low on budget, so I was looking for something really economical. Guess what? I am out of luck. Fate decided my fate and asked me to just shut the hell up and carry on with everyday routine.
Now, how do I escape this pounding defeat? Watch an awesome movie? I did that already. Browse the internet till your eyes pop out? Done. Read something worthwhile? Not in a mood to start a book now. Call up old friends? But, they haven’t called me once in the last year. Let me assume they are busy and give up the idea. Call up some acquaintances in the city and go out for a drink? Those losers lead an even more mundane life than I do. For them, drinking is the greatest achievement. Getting drunk is liberating, I agree. But not the same drink at the same place having the same talks listening to the same music week on week! What can be more boring than that?
Running out of options, I stare at myself in the mirror. Look at you! You have so much to do, yet you act like you have nothing to do! Think of all those 9 to 5 jobbers, who have been doing the same thing over and over again for years! Do they ever complain? No right? Then, what is the problem with you? You quit your job, run your own business, do what you like, have time to do anything and still you crib? How can you even talk of a vacuum?
“Coz you are a sky full of stars, I want to die in your arms”, sings Chris, as he moves from heart break to some liveliness. I start moving my head in tune and start walking towards my desk. I open my laptop and start typing.
Life in itself is a wonderful adventure. Every day is new. Every moment is worth living. We are all travelers in this journey called life. Some of us make it. Some of us don’t. But that does not matter. The journey is what is important.
Wait a sec! Why am I being philosophical now? Let me just, cut the crap! Get out that cubicle of yours and go see the world. You only live once. Make the most of it! See new places, meet new people, eat tasty foods, do something nasty, face death, accept failure, experience heart break, donate your money, break stuff, build stuff, crawl, walk, run, sprint, fly and sometimes just sit still and take the world around you in.
Enjoy your stay as long as you are here. We never know when we will die. Don’t let money dictate you. Always remember that nothing kills a man more than monotony and doing what he hates!
P.S. I still haven’t found a reason for my fatigue and sleepiness. If you think you know the answer, leave it in the comments section.